NITEL cripples Nigeria

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I've been out of the blogosphere for a while due to a combination of the NITEL strike, a personal crisis and the loss of a friend. NITEL has called off the strike, I've largely resolved the crisis but my friend is still gone. Her name was Bunmi Ebiwonjumi, aged 34. Her death really hit her family, her husband Funmi especially and me of course . She had gone to the US for a conference and was on the last leg of her trip. She was returning a friend's borrowed car when someone bumped her from behind. She got down to assess the damage and pulled over to a side street. While she was discussing with the person who hit her on how to repair the car, another car driving at a breakneck speed hit her, killing her instantly. Ironically, the person who initially hit her car saw the car coming and quickly jumped away. Bunmi was backing the car so she didn't see it coming.

The loss of my friend has I've been thinking about death and Heaven quite a bit in the last one week. Although I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour six years ago, the need for a close walk hit me even more. No one knows when, how or where he/she will go so we need to be ready everyday. The day for salvation is now! I encourage people to sort out their relationship with God so that when the trumpet sounds, you won't be surprised to find yourself in Hell.

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The NITEL strike has once again shown how vulnerable we are in Nigeria. Entrusting our major communications link to the outside world to a moribund, inept and crisis-ridden carrier like NITEL. Every time some disgruntled employee gets angry all he has to do is shut down SAT-3. This undersea cable that connects Nigeria to the rest of the world is of such importance that it should be protected by some sort of law to ensure shutting it down is a crime. Several businesses lost money throughout the strike and could not communicate with their customers. Irresponsible of NITEL workers I say.

I only hope Globacom and other networks will rise to the challenge and develop alternatives to SAT-3.

RIP Bunmi Ebiwonjumi

The art of regifting

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Wikipedia defines regifting as the act of taking a gift that has been received and giving it to somebody else, sometimes in the guise of a new gift. I haven't regifted before but I know someone who is quite adept at this art. I call it an art because she has managed to remain a closet regifter. There are some rules to regifting though:

1. Don't use the gift before regifting
2. Rewrap the gift
3. Don't give the gift back to the original giver

I've always wondered what would happen if you gave a gift back to the original giver or if the original giver saw his or her gift with someone else. Or perhaps the person could ask you about the gift some months or years later. What do you tell the person? I didn't like the gift you gave me so I gave it to someone else?

Why do people regift anyway? You forget someone's birthday or wedding and there's no time to go to the shops to buy something? You need to decongest your house of all those wedding crockery that you are never going to use. Why does everyone give plates, cups, spoons and coolers? I think more imaginative and thoughtful gifts would be appreciated.

Someone I know recently created what I'm sure is a world record for regifting. This person was invited to her relative's 40th birthday party and stopped by somewhere to see a friend before going to the party. Now it was her birthday the week before so another friend who had forgotten to give her a gift and who had been keeping the gift in the car with the hope of giving it to her whenever she ran into her decided to give her gift.

So she smiled and said a big thank you to her friend for remembering her birthday and giving her a gift. So she sets off for the birthday and realized that she didn't have a gift for her relative. So what does this ingenious person do? She quickly opens the gift she just got to see what was inside, decides it's appropriate for her relative and gives it to him at his party. Make sense? She might have well have just asked her friend to give her relative the gift directly. The thing didn't even land her house before she regifted it.

I laughed so hard and wondered what her friend would do if she realized what she did.

Is there anything wrong with piracy?

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You know you've done it before. No, not joining Blackbeard to plunder a merchant ship laden with spices and silk. I mean you've bought that dodgy looking Donnie McClurkin CD on the road, ripped your friend's entire music collection of 2000 CDs to your 250G harddrive, bought Halo 3 at Oba Elegushi market, seen a 16 in 1 DVD collection featuring all Will Smith's movies in one place or bought a 30 in 1 collection of software. What do all these things have in common? They're illegal! Before you hiss consider the rest of this post.

What exactly is piracy? Well in a nutshell it's taking someone else's music, software, video game, and infact any form of Intellectual Property and redistributing it without compensation for the author. It's also known as copyright infringement. Wikipedia defines it as "the unauthorized use of material that is covered by copyright law, in a manner that violates one of the original copyright owner's exclusive rights, such as the right to reproduce or perform the copyrighted work, or to make derivative works." I call it stealing. Why would piracy be stealing? If I left a car in front of your house with the keys in it, would you take it and consider it yours? Or would you break into a computer shop and steal a laptop? Or arrange with your mates to jack a few cars on Falomo? Or send out s few 419 letters hoping that one mugu will respond and give you $30k for doing nothing. These things are all illegal and so is piracy. The relevant law in Nigeria is the Copyright Act amended by the Copyright (Amendment) Decree No 98 of 1992 and the Copyright (Amendment) Decree No 42 of 1999. The dodgy guys doing the copying and the people buying the stuff are all guilty of the same offence.

From the days of Video Mart and other video clubs in Lagos, people have always had the chance to see movies at least one week before they're officially released. We used to call them cinema releases. You know, grainy videos with background laughter, tilted camera angle (people wonder why I bend sometimes, maybe it's from twisting my neck while watching pirated movies), and of course someone walking across the screen as soon as the movie is over. In those days we gained bragging rights having seen blockbusters as soon as they're released. These days the Internet has completely changed the game. We all know what happened with file sharing networks like Napster, Kazaa, Bittorrent, sharebear etc. The US Government started going after individuals for downloading and exchanging MP3s. Well I used to do it regularly till I knew better. I had a 10G music collection mostly copied from friends' and colleagues' computers. Yes oh! But as I try to become a better person by the Grace of God, I can't continue to do things that I know are wrong.

Why should the Government give people copyright protection? Artistes make money by creating something, recording this something in a transmittable format and selling the work contained in the medium. So the artiste thinks he is going to make a livelihood by selling one million albums but he can only sell 10,000. The remaining 990,000 people who want to enjoy his music have put the money into another person's hands rather than the original owner. Imagine yourself slaving at work everyday and someone you don't know steals 90% of your salary and gives it to other people to enjoy without your knowledge and control. You scream and complain but they just refuse to budge. "We'll continue stealing your salary and there's nothing you can do about it". These works are the salary of the artistes concerned. I don't have any data to support the percentage of pirated works in Nigeria but I'm sure it's at least 90%. Just go to Computer Village or Oba Elegushi market and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Buying pirated CDs, books, DVDs, video games etc is piracy. So is copying these things. Harsh as it may sound it's illegal and punishable under the law. Hey, it's also a sin! But this is just my opinion and of course the law.

What should I do with all the pirated stuff I own? What should you do?

Where can I find a good carpenter..

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...or a plumber, electrician, tailor, welder or whatever artisan I need to get work done. This is one of the most agonising things about Nigeria these days. I remember trying to fix a curtain pole and the carpenter down my street started to hammer one side into the wall. Before I could inspect what he had done he almost started fixing the other side. All this without a single tape rule! By the time he was done one side was lower than the other. I mean, what can be so difficult about fixing a curtain pole. Baba whatever he was called had no idea why I should be fretting so much. After all it was almost straight.

The same thing happened when I tried to do a mosquito net for the front door. So I'm thinking, a wooden frame knocked together with wire mesh should keep the blood suckers out. So I asked my wife to get a carpenter from down the road. Nine hours later, the Frankenstein's monster he put together was already falling apart. The guy was sweating so profusely and commending himself for a job well done. The thing lasted a few weeks before we had to take it down.

The same thing must have happened with other artisans in the past. What about the guy that did the plumbing for the house I moved into about a year ago. The shower in my bedroom has never ever worked. Why would the plumber fix a shower that doesn't work, get paid and then tell the owner of the house that the job is done. What about the electrician? It is only the Grace of God that has prevented my house from barbecuing to a crisp. I've had dealings with just about every type of artisan and they are all the same.

I could go on and on about my experiences with artisans in this country as I'm sure most people have. My point is that there are no standards for artisans in this country. Anybody can get up and set up a shop and do whatever trade they so please. A guy my sister introduced to me to make curtains has been holding on to the last leg of the job for two months. I called him and asked him how far he had gone and he told me he was in Ibadan doing some plumbing work. Did I hear right? A tailor was dabbling into plumbing! He proudly told me that he is also a builder, foreman and every known artisan rolled into one. Of course he still hasn't delivered.

The UK has the NVQs (National Vocational Qualifications) for artisans and other technical professions while vocational education in the US is typically offered through community colleges. The system isn't perfect but it ensures people are sure of what they're getting when they hire an artisan. What do we have in Nigeria? A centuries old apprenticeship system that doesn't work anymore. Nobody wants to spend 5 to 10 years as an apprentice and not get paid for it. The period of apprenticeship has gotten so short that not enough skills are passed on to make a meaningful impact

So how do we ensure that the quality of artisans improves?

1. By setting up proper training institutes for different professions


2. Developing standards for workmanship, materials and professional conduct


3. Certifying artisans depending on the level of skill and experience


4. Regular auditing and assessment of artisans to ensure consistency


5. Continuing professional development


6. Setting up a consumer complaints commission and ensuring compensation for defective work done by artisans

Maybe then I can stop my heart palpitations every time I hire a carpenter.

Five Things - I miss from my childhood

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1. 
   
2. Remember the days of innocence when you thought you could fly to the moon. Your first time at the beach. For some reason today I remembered my younger days. I've attempted to compile a random list of five things I remember with nostalgia.
   
   
   
3. 
   

1. Television: In the good old days before cable and DSTV, ignorance was bliss. I just loved NTA 2 Channel 5. From children's shows like Sesame Street, SuperTed, The Munch Bunch, Banana Split, Animal Crackers, Voltron and the other five team show (I've forgotten the name now) to British imports like Some Mother's do Ave em, Mind Your Language and of course American Sitcoms like the Jeffersons and Good times,; it was always a blast to come back home at 2pm and wait/play outside till TV started at 4 and closed at 10. Of course during school days, I had to sleep by 8. On Saturdays and Fridays I could stay up all night if I wanted to. The locally produced shows like the Adio family, Winds against my Soul, Cockrow at Dawn really made my day at night. Weekends were also fun with the Saturday Matinee on NTA 2. Sundays were soap opera days with some of the best locally produced shows especially from NTA Jos. And who can forget the lipsynched German shows from Transtel. My favourite movies were martial arts and Indian ones. Bruce Lee was so cool in Enter the Dragon. James Bond movies were always a pleasure to watch. I could go on and on. When I think about it now what we were watching were really old shows but we didn't know any better. But we still enjoyed TV. Now kids have so many other things to keep them occupied; the Internet, DSTV, Video Games etc. I miss the days of having little yet appreciating so much.



2. Playing outside/Games: I remember how much I used to want to play outside, inside, infact everywhere. Playing and fighting with my twin and cousin was a daily affair. I remember "Police and Thief", Mummy and Daddy, Ten Ten for the girls, football, table tennis, table soccer and Subuteo table football. I definitely remember the first time I ever played PacMan on an Amstrad Computer. Who would have thought that three dots on a screen could excite so much. By the time my Dad bought a Commodore 64 computer (so named because it had 64kilobytes of memory!) games had become more sophisticated. You now had more dots on the screen making for interesting game play. Toys? I remember my first action figure. I think it was one of the characters from the A-Team. Not quite sure which one. We could make toys from almost anything. Cans, tins, broomsticks. Do kids still make kites? All you needed was old newspapers, broomsticks and some eba. My first Raleigh bicycle which I used for years brought much pleasure. I better stop before I get teary eyed.



3. Asking questions: I used to be so curious about the world around me. Everything was a mystery. How does television work? When will I be as big as Daddy? Where do babies come from? Where does the tooth fairy come from? Who created God? My parents were always patient enough to answer my questions. Some questions remained a mystery for many years. I smile when I see things that used to baffle me. Some are still unanswered. Don't ask me which ones!



4. Going out: I always looked forward to going out. It didn't matter where. The Bar Beach was the in spot in those days. At least we Mainland kids got to see Victoria Island in all it's splendour. The beach used to be so lovely. And then of course I remember Apapa Club on Saturdays. Swimming, suya and sand! I also got to buy comics at the bookstore. If I remember well, they stocked DC and Marvel Comics, Beano, Dandy and some British war comics (those were my favourites really). Going out also meant parties! The richer kids always had better presents as we used to call them. I got to see how some of my Corona friends lived. Along with parties came music. Michael Jackson, The Gap Band, Shalamar, Cool and the Gang...we mimed to all the cool songs back then. If I had such a retentive memory for songs how come I forgot my times table?



5. Nigeria: Most of all I remember when things weren't so bad in Nigeria. A brand new 505 was 10,000, bread was 10k; a coke was less than 50k. My first trip to the UK in 1984 cost my Mum less than N500 for each of us. The ticket was expensive then but my Mum, God bless her heart just had to sacrifice for us. Things were so much easier then. NEPA wasn't great in the 70s and 80s but it was much better than now. Potholes were a rarity and everywhere was clean. At least from a child's perspective. I remember the two coups that brought in Buhari and Babangida. I was forced to grow up a bit and become a bit politically aware after these events. It was then that names like Umaru Dikko, Joseph Wayas, Olu Olunloyo, Awo and Zik became part of my consciousness. This coincided with my teenaage years and a time when things became a little bit rough for everyone. My folks still managed to keep us happy but even as a kid I knew things were not the same. I miss those days...

What do you miss most about being a kid. Go on, try to remember. For some people it feels like just yesterday, for some it's a distant memory. What stories will you tell your children when they begin to grow?