Do all Nigerian men cheat on their wives?

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The title of this post may seem strange to people that know me quite well. I'm not one to generalise about groups of people. A more appropriate title would have had most or some in the title. It's no more appropriate than "why are all Nigerians criminals"?, "why are all Americans ignoramuses"?, or "why are all Australians knife-wielding, crocodile hunters"? But I couldn't resist the urge for a little bit of sensationalism and attention grabbing! So on with the post. This topic is borne out of my personal experience over a few years of marriage and of course my interaction with people. Just today, someone asked me if a "babe" was trying to seduce me. Another colleague keeps trying to become my infidelity buddy. Of course I rebuke the two of them in a non-threatening way. These men can't fathom the fact that there are people who just don't do these things. After a trip to Brazil two years ago, someone asked me what I got up to while I was there. I avoid these types of people like a plague of course.

When I was growing up I was quite naive and believed that men are naturally faithful to their wives. I recollect a conversation with two very close relatives of mine when I was just 19. I told them would never cheat on my wife. One of them said he doesn't plan to as well but as a man, these things happen. The second one said he will definitely do it. After all body no be wood. Don't ask me if they have been true to their promises.

Quite a few Nigerian men, even those who have some strong religious profession or the other do it. More than you can even imagine. It's sometimes "accidental" but most often premeditated. And once it has happened, it becomes difficult to stop.

The problem is not helped by Nigerian women who have been conditioned to believe that their husbands will cheat on them no matter what they do. They have bought the lie that it's okay as long as he provides for the children, comes home regularly and doesn't flaunt his extra-marital affairs in her face. The truth is that most of them know about their husband's philandering ways before marriage but assume they can change after marriage. Some of them are so tired of people asking when the big day is going to happen they settle for the worst guy in town. I have even heard that women too now do it. Some of them do it in retaliation for their husband's cheating ways and possibly to get more excitement into their marriage.

As a Christian, the major reason I won't do it is not because I love my wife to bits, but because I fear God!

So I ask, if you have ever cheated on your wife or husband, please tell me why you did it. I'd really like to know.

And if you know anybody that has, do you know why they did it?

If you have never done it and don't want to ever do it, how have you managed to stay faithful?

If you have done it in the past and repented, should you tell your spouse?

Any opinions on why people cheat?

....Great....and Small!!!

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I came across a wonderful piece written by a senior brother of mine, Kunle Durojaiye. I thought I'd reproduce the post here in it's entirety.

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....Great....and Small!!!

By Kunle Durojaiye


It’s such a wonder to realize how we forget so easily that we weren’t born as 5 or 6 footers. Some would even as much as remember their infant days, back in kindergarten or primary school, secondary or high school (depending on your background, “butters’ went to high school’ or “paki’s’ did the secondary/grammar school”); but not many have actually embraced the fact that as grown as we may be currently, we evolved from a very minute embryonic form in a woman’s womb.

No man was born full grown (apart from the likes of Sat Guru, who claim to have just appeared on the scene). Nobody just appeared! Every big thing started from an inconsequential, seemingly insignificant beginning.

• Forests grew from a small seed sown in the ground. Seed gave birth to a tree, to produce fruits with more seeds, to eventually grow a forest or plantation.

• The sayings still holds that oceans are formed from a gathering of little water droplets.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with the very first step.

• Every business venture started with the initial paltry investment.

• Large families originated from one small phrase that passed from a man to a woman “Will you marry me”. Generations have been created from a single phrase of ultimate intention.

• Great networks and years of devoted friendship have been kindled by one of the shortest words in the English dictionary – Hi!

• Large edifices and infrastructural installations have been consumed by huge conflagrations just by a single small spark.

• The four stroke engine is ignited to produce power for motion also by a spark.

• The information age was birthed by the discovery of an infinitesimally small piece, the chip.

Apparently, every great achievement in life is simply the full grown version of an initial small embryonic idea, thought, or chip. Everything great started small. This is essentially the paradox of life. One of the greatest discoveries still reshaping the way we live and work in the 21st century, is the chip (microchip).

Literally speaking, a chip is defined as a small piece of wood/stone, or a small piece of food e.g. potato chip. To a wood worker, the chips are the tiny pieces that are seen to fly off the main wood, while the saw-man slices the log. To an electrician, a chip is a miniaturized electronic circuit that has been manufactured in the surface of a thin material. Chips, by physical appearance and size tend not to be reckoned with as major contributors and the tendency to dispose of them is pretty high. After all, they’re just chips.

And basically, that’s what we tend to do with our personal chips. They become just passing thoughts, unrealistic ideas, far-fetched imaginations, and the likes.

However, it is obvious that our world today is changing and modifying continuously premised on one factor - the emergence of small pieces, not just of electronic circuits, but small ideas, small thoughts, small phrases, small concepts, small opinions, small imaginations, small muses - The very small things!

Rather than sweep them off and dispose of them as superfluous, or over bloated, you and I need to begin to gather our chips, thoughts, concepts, and ideas together, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

Your little idea, almost swept away and discarded, when fully developed, may be the ground breaking strategy to address the complexity of traffic in Lagos.

Your infinitesimal thought, so reticent, yet so latent, may be the final piece to fit in the Nigerian democratic puzzle.

Your microscopic opinion, though never heard, could be a solution to the syndrome of bad roads in our country.

Your miniaturized chip could be all you need to change your world.

Your minute concept could modify societal and cultural styles and create a better world for us all to live in.

Your chips, when fully grown, will announce you, advertise and publish you, and take you to places. You see, it’s all about those little things deep rooted in each of us.

Pen down your thoughts, gather your chips, document your ideas…..everything great starts small.
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Inverters - a solution to Nigeria's power problem?

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The last few months have been really dreadful with the near closure of PHCN (Power Holding Company of Nigeria) in my estate. It has gotten so bad that we barely have two hours of light everyday. My small Elemax generator was so overworked that is finally gave up in April. We used to switch it on at 7pm and switch it off at 12 midnight. At a time the heat at night was so terrible, my kids would wake up crying and itching from the heat rash. Sometimes I would wake up at 2am and wouldn't be able to sleep. Some of my estate people alleged that PHCN was diverting power to other neighbourhoods that were paying bribes. We hoped the situation would improve but alas it only got worse. So what did I do? I got an inverter.

"An inverter is a power conversion and conservation device. It converts electricity, which essentially comes in form of alternating current (A/Current) into a stable form of current known as direct current (D/Current) so that the D/Current can be stored in batteries for use during power outages. The system works by converting the A/Current which is the normal current supplied by PHCN (or a secondary source i.e. generating sets) into direct current which is a more stable form of electricity that can be preserved in batteries. During outages, the inverter converts the stored current back into A/Current for use in the home, office or business place. " (Culled from Top-M Nigeria)

I had planned to buy one for a while so I called a couple of companies to find out about the cost of their inverters.

Su-Kam inverters are made in India while Xantrex and Outback are American. I decided on the Budtron inverter which is made in Nigeria because of the low cost and also the ability of the manufacturers to provide after-sales service. I wasn't convinced that the other vendors had the technical know how to provide the required support. Installation took about 2 hours while the initial charging took about 8 hours.

Xantrex Inverter/Charger and Auto-Switch

SuKam Inverter

So basically what I do is to run my generator for 3-4 hours between 7pm and 11pm at night if there is no power from PHCN. At 11pm we shut down the generator and the inverter automatically takes over. If at any point in time PHCN restores light, the inverter's in built change over switch changes back to PHCN. So we use two or three fans throughout the night and pretty much swithc eveything else off. During the day it powers the TV, decoder, home theatre and s few low power electronics. The wiring is done such that the inverter does not power the ACs and iron. On a full charge and depending on what is switched on, we have power for the next 20-22 hours. However, if the fridge and/or all the lights are switched on, it lasts only 8 hours. An alternative setup can be to add solar panels to the installation. This means that during the day, if there is no power supply from PHCN, you can still charge the inverter.

With the cost of diesel at N135/litre it it certainly has its advantages. If I were to run my generator without shutting it down and assuming PHCN stopped working altogether it would cost an additional N270,000 to enjoy constant power supply. It is also noiseless and doesn't require starting up, oil, water or plugs. It is almost zero maintenance. The disadvantage is that if you use wet cell batteries, you have to top up the distilled water every 6 months. Even with dry cell batteries, you have to replace the batteries every 3-5 years depending on the level of usage. I suspect mine will need replacement in 3 years because of the poor power supply from PHCN. The initial cost is also quite high when compared with a generator of comparable power rating.

Overall I have enjoyed using it for the last three months and highly recommend getting one. Now my kids don't wake up crying in the middle of the night and my wife is cheerier!

Boiled Over - South Africa

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The last couple of weeks have been so tragedy laden. What with the cyclone that hit Myanmar, the earthquake is China and then the pipeline explosion at Ijegun. Now poor hungry black South Africans have turned on other poor hungry Africans. With all the talk of African unity it is amazing how easily African brothers turn on each other. In Nigeria it's Ife vs Modakeke, Umuleri vs Aguleri, Tiv vs Junkun e.t.c. If small tribes can fight each other over land and other such trivial matters while their taskmasters in high places wine and sup then you can imagine how easily tempers can become flared over "foreign occupiers". Tutsis and Hutus in Central Africa have hated each other for centuries eventually leading to wars in Rwanda and Burundi. Nigeria has had it's own issues with the Igbos claiming to be marginalised eventually leading to the Nigerian Civil War. The boiling Niger-Delta has continued to defy attempts at a peaceful resolution.

So what exactly happened in South Africa? We all know that a bunch of criminal gangs got together and decided that foreigners are the cause of their poverty, unemployment and lack of social amenities. Zimbabweans, Malawians and other nationals had put them into years of economic backwardness and repression. The solution? Kill all the foreigners and the jobs would come back, electricity would be restored and the shantytowns in Alexandra and Hilbrow would magically be converted to Sandton. So off they went on a killing rampage that has left 46 dead at the last count. But what could the real cause be?

In my humble opinion, the fault lies with Thabo Mbeki and the ruling African National Party (ANC) for a number of reasons:

1. The South African Black Economic Empowerment (BEE) and Previously Disadvantaged Individuals (PDI) programmes were designed to correct years of imbalance in the earnings of blacks and whites post-apartheid. It was supposed to take ownership and management of companies away from whites while increasing the number of blacks occupying these same positions. But there was a snag. The apartheid South Africa had undereducated blacks and left very few qualified to take on these positions. Meanwhile SA companies that wanted to remain in business had to comply so they resorted to taking anyone that had even a whiff of a University degree. Never mind that they were put in non-technical positions where they couldn't so much damage or exert any influence. Instead of reducing the imbalance, it only created a new breed of rich blacks with strong ties to the ruling African National Party (ANC). People like Mosima Gabriel Sexwale (aka Tokyo Sexwale) and Cyril Ramaphosa have become billionaires because of this legislation. So rather than creating equality in wealth distribution it further widened the gap and eventually increased the level of violent crime. Why are South Africans so violent? Maybe years of toughening up under apartheid? South Africa has some of the world's worst levels of violent crime, with 52 people murdered every 24 hours, for an annual murder rate of 43.1 per 100,000 people. Added to that each year are 200,000 robberies, 55,000 rapes, and half a million cases of assault and attempted murder. (culled from Time). Unemployment is at an all time high of 40%.
   
   
2. Secondly, Thabo Mbeki failed to apply the appropriate sanctions to the Government of Robert Mugabe for his years of misrule. Although the policy of land redistribution seemed smart at the time, taking well-run and productive farms from whites and turning them over to blacks who subsequently turned the farms into squatter settlements ruined Zimbabwe. Inflation of over 100,000% and a ruthless civilian dictator forced millions to flee to neighboring and more prosperous South Africa. Unless I'm missing something here, Thabo Mbeki should have stopped Robert Mugabe from ruining his country if only to prevent a refugee crisis on his hands. That's why Nigeria intervened in Sierra Leone and Liberia! Instability in one part of a closely knit region can easily spill over as it happened in the aforementioned countries and Rwanda/Burundi.
   
   
3. Lastly his Government's inability to deal with the HIV/AIDS crisis also exacerbated the problem. His denial that HIV causes AIDS and his insistence that traditional methods cure AIDS increased the prevalence of the disease. He also appointed a Health Minister that shared his views on the matter. A high number of AIDS related deaths and illnesses added to existing levels of poverty means poor families' resources are directed towards taking care of the disease and fending for each other without the breadwinner. In some cases both parents die of AIDS leaving the children to relatives already burdened with taking care of their own children. The result? Further hopelessness and despair.
   So with this background, why would poor people turn on other poor people who are not the cause of their problems? Transferred aggression. If at all these people wanted to revolt, they could have turned on the affluent members of their society who keep getting richer while they get poorer. These poor foreigners are prepared to work while black South Africans think the Government owes them a living. Even if all poor foreigners are killed, the situation with black South Africans will not improve. More lasting solutions will have to be found. BEE should focus on equality for all South Africans and not just ANC cronies. It should ensure the word "township" is a thing of the past. Hey, this country has enough for everyone so this should not be happening. Focus should be on increasing the quality of education so that BEE can really make an impact.
   

With the impending presidency of Jacob Zuma it is doubtful things will change any time soon. What can Nigeria learn from this? Should we riot like we did in the late 70s chanting, “Ghana must go” and face the reprisal from Ghanaians as we are now experiencing? Kick out all Indians, Lebanese, Chinese and other foreign nationals? I doubt that what happened in South Africa can happen in Nigeria. Immigration is a natural occurrence and can lead to the development of a country as it has done for the US. We can't deny the contribution of other nations to Nigeria. So to my South African brothers I say, direct your anger elsewhere. Use all that aggression in a coal mine. Killing your brothers will not solve the problem.

So so tired

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I'm in need of a holiday so I haven't had time to write in a while. The level of exhaustion is amazing. I'm so tired, this post is going to end here.